Clickbait title much? Lol.
For those who have ridden long enough, and that is as long a time as it takes for you to get this into your head, there are inherent risks in riding. Rightfully so, it is majority the steps you take, 95%, then that 5% becomes the rotten luck that you got that day. Even in that 5, it becomes the steps you taked. Anyway, accept there is a possibility that “katanuka” siku moja. Here are some ways you can find yourself hurt.
1. Road rules for who? The illegal turner
This falls in the 95% you should be able to avoid. The Book of Motorcyclist, Chapter 2 Verse 1:
“My dear newbies, I don’t desire that you become, as it were, un-weary of the devil’s schemes. For he has an app that he has placed to monitor you, oh my young foolish biker child, that he may receive notifications in a timely manner of when you think of something foolish to try on the road. Be watchful and wise my child, in these perilous times.”
Say, hypothetically, for example that one time, around 2016, you KNOW, KNOW, that you should not filter more than 20-30 kph compared to traffic, even on the eternally wide road known as Mbagathi Way, but that wheely-loving super-speeding little devil on your shoulder, just above the shoulder protectors, whispers through your cheap beginner helmet, no, just this one time, just let it all rip out. Twist that throttle. Max wrist! Speed your heart out. Nooooothing will happen. What are the chances?
And so, you speed it all out, and as you get to Armed Forces Memorial Hospital, just before Highrise, downslope, you see some cars seem to have stopped for no reason. The road after the stop is clear, no police or anything. Your angel on the opposite shoulder tells you to stop, but that damned wheely devil is at it again. “No, my child, nothing will happen. Just believe, and let it rip!” And so you keep going.
At 70kph. Adrenaline rushing through you like drugs! Wooohooo! Wind through the visor! Engine revving wildly beneath you! Wooooohoooooo! The stuff of legen…….. BAAAAAAAAMMMMMM!
Moments before getting to the first car in the new traffic jam, while at 70kph, you see a matatu making an illegal u-turn. Hence why all the cars had stopped. You lock that rear tyre, hit that front brake. But end up ramming and mounting the side of that matatu.
(This is all hypothetical. It may or may not have happened. I’m not saying that it did, but if it did, my conclusion would be that the ZMR is one heck of a bike! Not that I have any proof or anything…)
2. Cold, the undetectable attacker
Medicine is so advanced nowadays. But it’s also like magic. They are able to do such cool things, but some things seem to evade perennially. The likes of cancers and HIV. If we come back 200 years from now, will these still be an issue?
There is a strange disease that grips a motorcyclist. It has gone by many names, and depends on who you talk to. Stuff of legends really. But here they just say, “The Cold entered him. Baridi ilimwingia!”
It is no small matter that you see a boda boda fellow, in the heat of day, 25 degree plus weather, donned in a sweater underneath, a jacket, a scarf, and a whole blanket round his neck, and something else on his lower face, keeping himself out of the cold. He is being vigilant. The cold has taken down giants greater than him.
A man once described to me this phenomenon, for I had once imagined it gripped me. He said, “There are times in the year it comes. The first time it came it was very severe! You feel cold. And pain in the chest. An overwhelming stabbing pain. And slowly it overcomes you, till you cannot move. I lay in bed for a few days, completely unable to move. My body parts were frozen, unable to move. Then it went after. I went to hospital and they couldn’t find anything. And every so often it comes back.”
I too had my own share of the abive. I had a pain that would come and go. I even asked biker docs about it. Had tests done, MRI and such, but nothing was seen. My doctor concluded it to be muscle-related things around the chest. (I recently went to see him on a heartburn related matter. He followed up. I said it still comes rarely, a small light pain. He said it confirms the muscle theory.)
Be wary. This is your first and last warning. It comes and is like the permanent sin that never leaves.
3. Passenger alighting in traffic
Self explanatory isn’t it. Now, an experienced conductor on a bus, familiar with the route, and who has the slightest concern for the passengers, especially the beautiful ladies I’ve noticed, cranes his neck out into traffic before letting a passenger alight to scan the surroundings.
In case he doesn’t, someone is about to have a bike run up his foot, or his knee in a situation. And depending on that situation as well, a car is about to be scratched and/or dented.
Cue police. “What are you doing lane-splitting? Isn’t it illegal in Kenya? Nyangau hii “(Post on this coming. Si I have faced it all in this country of ours! 😂😂😂)
Cue police to tow-truck: Beba huyu!
Cue car owner: Insurance ama utanilipa?
Cue abiria, complaining from the comfort of their seats: Lazima ulipe apelekwa hospitali. Aki gowsh. Woishe, Ona vile umefanya bwana/bibi ya wenyewe.
Cue fellow bodas: Apana, mtu hutoroka.
Just slow down near cars and anticipate.
P.S. In my previous post, my friend actually landed in hospital with a broken leg thanks to a heavy BMW door and a passenger in traffic. After more than 3 years riding experience under his belt. Kwani who are you for it to not happen to you?
4. The squeeze – Lemon to lemonade manenos
Inline with the it has happened to me theme, there’s a huge reason one thing I look at is the width of a motorcycle when considering upgrade bikes. On that note, ADV bikes are really wide. Generally, rule of thumb is the CBXXX are very thin, and so are Ninjas. Not the supersport ones, the sport touring ones.
I once got stuck between two trucks in traffic. Lane splitting. 😂😂 I had seen the space was enough. It was a truck and a lorry. Then Niko tu in the middle with my haraka haraka then traffic starts moving. Hooooooottttttttiiiiiing! My top box was what was caught. In the end, after a few reversals, and manoeuvres from the drivers, and a lot of Kenyan I can solve this traffic situation, we enda hivi, wewe enda hivi, we were able to have it solved.
5. Rongai Matatus
This one has even killed some I think.
If you see this, do not lane splitting when they are moving. Don’t even respect the minimum lane splitting speed rule. Keep away. These guys will brake harder than a driving school learner. They will change lanes in an instant and sweep you and your fikifiki into next year, awaiting collecting. They brake last minute, and if you are the bike ahead, no, just don’t be in that situation for the day brakes fail. You shall be the sandwich between the bus and the car.
Summary
Those are my 5 things. Watch out for part 2! We kick it up a notch!
Possum 
I love this. That Biker Bible verse, we should memorize it like John 3:16 .
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Agreed!
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