For those who have ridden long enough, and that is as long a time as it takes for you to get this into your head, there are inherent risks in riding. Rightfully so, it is majority the steps you take, 95%, then that 5% becomes the rotten luck that you got that day. Even in that 5, it becomes the steps you taked. Anyway, accept there is a possibility that “katanuka” siku moja. Here are some ways you can find yourself hurt.
1. Road rules for who? The illegal turner
This falls in the 95% you should be able to avoid. The Book of Motorcyclist, Chapter 2 Verse 1:
“My dear newbies, I don’t desire that you become, as it were, un-weary of the devil’s schemes. For he has an app that he has placed to monitor you, oh my young foolish biker child, that he may receive notifications in a timely manner of when you think of something foolish to try on the road. Be watchful and wise my child, in these perilous times.”
Turns out the Motorcycle Bible is a real thing. Go figure…
Say, hypothetically, for example that one time, around 2016, you KNOW, KNOW, that you should not filter more than 20-30 kph compared to traffic, even on the eternally wide road known as Mbagathi Way, but that wheely-loving super-speeding little devil on your shoulder, just above the shoulder protectors, whispers through your cheap beginner helmet, no, just this one time, just let it all rip out. Twist that throttle. Max wrist! Speed your heart out. Nooooothing will happen. What are the chances?
Mbagathi way – Widest lane splitter in Africa!
And so, you speed it all out, and as you get to Armed Forces Memorial Hospital, just before Highrise, downslope, you see some cars seem to have stopped for no reason. The road after the stop is clear, no police or anything. Your angel on the opposite shoulder tells you to stop, but that damned wheely devil is at it again. “No, my child, nothing will happen. Just believe, and let it rip!” And so you keep going.
At 70kph. Adrenaline rushing through you like drugs! Wooohooo! Wind through the visor! Engine revving wildly beneath you! Wooooohoooooo! The stuff of legen…….. BAAAAAAAAMMMMMM!
Moments before getting to the first car in the new traffic jam, while at 70kph, you see a matatu making an illegal u-turn. Hence why all the cars had stopped. You lock that rear tyre, hit that front brake. But end up ramming and mounting the side of that matatu.
The mighty Thendemar!
(This is all hypothetical. It may or may not have happened. I’m not saying that it did, but if it did, my conclusion would be that the ZMR is one heck of a bike! Not that I have any proof or anything…)
2. Cold, the undetectable attacker
Medicine is so advanced nowadays. But it’s also like magic. They are able to do such cool things, but some things seem to evade perennially. The likes of cancers and HIV. If we come back 200 years from now, will these still be an issue?
There is a strange disease that grips a motorcyclist. It has gone by many names, and depends on who you talk to. Stuff of legends really. But here they just say, “The Cold entered him. Baridi ilimwingia!”
It is no small matter that you see a boda boda fellow, in the heat of day, 25 degree plus weather, donned in a sweater underneath, a jacket, a scarf, and a whole blanket round his neck, and something else on his lower face, keeping himself out of the cold. He is being vigilant. The cold has taken down giants greater than him.
A man once described to me this phenomenon, for I had once imagined it gripped me. He said, “There are times in the year it comes. The first time it came it was very severe! You feel cold. And pain in the chest. An overwhelming stabbing pain. And slowly it overcomes you, till you cannot move. I lay in bed for a few days, completely unable to move. My body parts were frozen, unable to move. Then it went after. I went to hospital and they couldn’t find anything. And every so often it comes back.”
I too had my own share of the abive. I had a pain that would come and go. I even asked biker docs about it. Had tests done, MRI and such, but nothing was seen. My doctor concluded it to be muscle-related things around the chest. (I recently went to see him on a heartburn related matter. He followed up. I said it still comes rarely, a small light pain. He said it confirms the muscle theory.)
Be wary. This is your first and last warning. It comes and is like the permanent sin that never leaves.
3. Passenger alighting in traffic
Self explanatory isn’t it. Now, an experienced conductor on a bus, familiar with the route, and who has the slightest concern for the passengers, especially the beautiful ladies I’ve noticed, cranes his neck out into traffic before letting a passenger alight to scan the surroundings.
Watch out on the right…
In case he doesn’t, someone is about to have a bike run up his foot, or his knee in a situation. And depending on that situation as well, a car is about to be scratched and/or dented.
Cue police. “What are you doing lane-splitting? Isn’t it illegal in Kenya? Nyangau hii “(Post on this coming. Si I have faced it all in this country of ours! 😂😂😂)
Cue police to tow-truck: Beba huyu!
Cue car owner: Insurance ama utanilipa?
Cue abiria, complaining from the comfort of their seats:Lazima ulipe apelekwa hospitali. Aki gowsh. Woishe, Ona vile umefanya bwana/bibi ya wenyewe.
Cue fellow bodas: Apana, mtu hutoroka.
Just slow down near cars and anticipate.
P.S. In my previous post, my friend actually landed in hospital with a broken leg thanks to a heavy BMW door and a passenger in traffic. After more than 3 years riding experience under his belt. Kwani who are you for it to not happen to you?
4. The squeeze – Lemon to lemonade manenos
Inline with the it has happened to me theme, there’s a huge reason one thing I look at is the width of a motorcycle when considering upgrade bikes. On that note, ADV bikes are really wide. Generally, rule of thumb is the CBXXX are very thin, and so are Ninjas. Not the supersport ones, the sport touring ones.
I once got stuck between two trucks in traffic. Lane splitting. 😂😂 I had seen the space was enough. It was a truck and a lorry. Then Niko tu in the middle with my haraka haraka then traffic starts moving. Hooooooottttttttiiiiiing! My top box was what was caught. In the end, after a few reversals, and manoeuvres from the drivers, and a lot of Kenyan I can solve this traffic situation, we enda hivi, wewe enda hivi, we were able to have it solved.
5. Rongai Matatus
This one has even killed some I think.
If you see this, do not lane splitting when they are moving. Don’t even respect the minimum lane splitting speed rule. Keep away. These guys will brake harder than a driving school learner. They will change lanes in an instant and sweep you and your fikifiki into next year, awaiting collecting. They brake last minute, and if you are the bike ahead, no, just don’t be in that situation for the day brakes fail. You shall be the sandwich between the bus and the car.
Summary
Those are my 5 things. Watch out for part 2! We kick it up a notch!
Disclaimer : this post is not about a human relationship. For that, please consult your daily sectional in the newspaper or tune in to the local trashy talk on morning shows between 7 and 10am. Clickbait much? 😆
Intro
I have a friend 😀 . Well, I have many, but I have one(Mr. M*) who 2 weeks ago, had a nasty accident while lane splitting that left his right leg broken but his bike intact and running. 2 to 3 weeks prior to this, I had been talking to him about maybe one day switching bikes for like a day or two just to experience power. He rides a Duke 390, the older version, not the new 2017 version.
2014 Duke 390. Maad torque! You guy my guy!
I have another friend 😀 . Well, I have many other friends, but I have one who has been my Pulsar buddy, then I recently met her in traffic. She lives awfully close, but on a certain day last week, I saw her familiar helmet, then the familiar KTM orange on the bike she was riding. A duke 390, the 2017 version to boot! In the coming days, I felt “nyongi”. Even me I want to upgrade. 😥
The Exchange
So in the midst of all this, on Monday, Mr. M calls me from hospital.
Mr. M: “George! How are you man?…………Are you free?……………………I need you to run an errand for me near Athi, to my house. Drop some keys for me………….It’s urgent……………You can switch bikes and take my Duke for the week once you are there………”
MOST. WORTH. IT. ERRAND. EVER! 😀 . I was besides myself with joy. Monday is work day, but an hour can be set aside for this. Off to Nairobi Hospital, off to his place, and I pick the bike.
Initial impressions on picking the Duke 390.
This engine is so harsh, not Pulsar smooth…………..The exhaust is loud, I like my quiet Pulsar……………….This bike is so light, just like my Pulsar, but double the capacity. ………………This clutch is much heavier. I have to get to the gym……………………..The seat height is actually better than the Pulsar, because of a thinner seat. Wauuuuuu!
Duke390 Left, My Bike Right
I get to the main road and pull the throttle. Dear Lord! That bike almost sped off of it’s own volition! The torque! Nothing to joke about! I’m off, heading home, with a boss attitude. And the bike isn’t even mine but look at me! Overtaking is but a thought!
Me Pulling the throttle the frist time
For the rest of the week, POWER is my friend, I overtake. 0-100 in 6 seconds is not a joke! At some point, heading home from rehearsal, I am on the bypass and some Fazer 600 fellow and I have a short quick run between Ngong Road and Langata road. To be able to follow someone and have a bike actually still have a lot of pull left at 130kph. Waaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuu! 😯
The bike doesn’t sit to well at 150kph without a screen. Too much wind blast. Best use it for fast acceleration(kuenda kama umeendanga), not speed runs. It is not an born tourer. Found it sitting well at 110kph. The Pulsar and ZMR do well at 92kph. It is also a commuter, but not during grid lock hours. It does emit some heat, and that radiator is always on. But the turning radius is to die for. It has ABS!!!
Caught by bae cheating
You have to understand that before this week, the Pulsar had been the only bae in my life! I had a ZMR before, but that felt like a very bad relationship with the wrong chic. Too heavy, 126 top speed compared to 140 on the Pulsar. 18hp compared to 24 on the Pulsar. No analog tachometer. ZMR was good while it lasted, but Pulsar was that pretty girl that you marry.
I personally feel the rank of bikes under 250cc is the Duke 200, the Pulsar RS200, then the NS200 and AS200 tied at third, then whatever other bikes can come and make a file after that, for all we care!
Today, a Sunday, I return the Duke 390, and pick my Pulsar. As I ride, and prepare to take off first, I tuck forwards in preparation for the torque to kick in as I am now accustomed to on the Duke. …..
…..
…..
Nothing. This bike engine is so smooth, but … nothing. Just nothing. It does nothing. I feel my heart break. A tear forms in my eye. How could bae and I be in such a spot!
My reaction to the NS200 compared to the Duke390
This bike isn’t as powerful. Heck, it’s only half as powerful. Even when the power kicks in fully at 8k rpm, it’s hardly noticeable. It’s all just MEEEH. The Duke has taken me to the sky and left me high and dryyyyy!
I notice on the Pulsar: It is taller seating, just a bit……………It is sportier seating. The duke was the ultimate in upright seating…………….The head is closer though, funny enough.
For the rest of the ride back, I don’t even attempt to overtake anymore. 😦 😦 I just ride. I don’t attempt to overrev, or go past 100. 😦 The bike feels okay at 90, and that’s okay with me. No need to struggle over coins. If I want true power, I need a different bike. Period. Now I understand what a commuter is.
I should have never ridden the duke. I should have remained oblivious to the joys that exist out there with horsepower and torque increase. I should have continued in my most upheld belief that the Pulsar was made somewhere next to heaven.
Bae wash after getting home
But now I’ve had a very fierce fling, and that has sucked the life out of my Pulsar experience back.
Buuttttt….. Conclusion
Time is a healer. It took a week with the duke. I’ll give it 2 weeks with the Pulsar. I’m sure I’ll get back to loving it, that smoothness, that quietness.
The bars are thinner. Easier lane splitting………..It may not be powerful, but that bike looks like bae! It is newer after all………………………….And it has that metallic tail section that allows me to secure bags with my cargo net to it.
I’ll fall in love with it again. At least I hope so otherwise, OLX!
P.S
Dear beginner, don’t fall into the trap of imagining cc(Cubic Capacity/Engine size) equals power. The duke 390 with a 370cc engine is about the same power and a KLR 650, a 650cc engine.
Always check the horsepower and torque specs, and remember, a true test is an actual ride, not one done on keyboards.
(Kanjo – How some Kenyans from a certain community say council. Adopted by all Nairobian youth at this point.)
I have to say that I am a man of many firsts. I am a Kenyan, by birth. The following occurs in Nairobi-Kenya, and it’s environs.
I am amongst the first to have an accident on a motorcycle having dozed off at the bars! (A story for another day 😂😂. Apparently, the other guy who had such was justified since he had ridden to SA and was dead-tired at the bars.)
I am the first to experience what a cell feels like courtesy of police who I did not let tow my bike away.(Turns out, when they want to tow your bike, you have a choice on whether you let them tow it, and incur Ksh. 1500 to 2000 towing charges, or not play ball, and they can drag it out and make you suffer. Choose wisely. I have stories I tell you!)
I am an almost first to be arrested for lane splitting(which we then found out was illegal and that some cops love to enforce it. Yet another story for another day, and what happened in court. Don’t be scared of traffic court. It’s an interesting place.)
I only know of one other motorcyclists who was arrested by the county askaris. He paid a Ksh. 7000 fine 2 days before this. This is my story.
The following occurs between 8 am on the 13th and 5:10 pm on the 14th.
On Wednesday, I head to the CBD, park my bike on Kimathi Lane and proceed to a “Shamsi Music” rehearsal at 8 a.m. During the rehearsal, our drummer Kenn came in and told me the did not see my bike parked downstairs. He had pulled my leg with this joke before but so I did not believe him. (Additionally, I had just two weeks before paid seasonal parking for motorcycles, a fee ofKsh. 3000/-= for 3 months. I mean, after that, I am at peace. Mi Siteketei!) However as we concluded rehearsal at 11 am, the bassist, Munene, walks down with me to see where it is that I had parked my bike because he also notes he had not seen it.
When we arrive downstairs, as we walk on the street, I tell him, “Here, it is parked just behind this c……” and lo and behold! When we got behind the car, it was not there. I asked some guards nearby, “Mmecheki bike nilikuwa nimeseti hapa hivi? (Have you seen a black bike that was parked here?)” They told me that they saw a county lorry come and have some guys put the motorcycle on top.
I take a relative on an errand on Tom Moya street and then proceed to their yard, general stores, near wakulima market, near bus station. I get to the gate and I find this crowd of motorcycle riders. Naturally, feeling different, I try go through the crowd and get into the gate. I was immediately pushed back by the plain clothes mkubwa at the gate(these ninjas apparently call each other senior in here! 😂😂 Ati, wee senior, kuja hapa.), “Kaa nje, kwani wewe ni nani?!(Stay outside! Who do you think you are?)” He locks the door and goes far away. In short, at the end, I was not able to ascertain whether my motorcycle was there.
Bike parked at County General Stores. How can’t they tell this is different! Mssssssssscheeeeeeeeeeeew!
I hear from some riders outside the gate that you need to go to city hall annex, 7th floor, City Inspectorate Department, where you can receive clearance and with that you can come back to the yard, get a total for what is due, go pay at the bank and have a bike released.
We head to city hall. On the way, I contact a Motorcycle Kenya rep(MK, an umbrella body for private motorcyclists in Kenya)(Chwa) because I am a paid-up member. He informs me that they had actually started talks with Mr. Mbaya who is in charge of the whole operation just that morning. (P.S. It’s always Chwa when I’m facing all these issues I keep facing! 😂😂 My fam even knows of him at this point!)
When I get to the Annex, I’m told that Mr Mbaya was there in the morning and will be coming back in the afternoon. (We were only told the fine print of he’s not coming for the rest of the day after about an hour and a half of waiting, that he’s in some engagement with the governor, and his deputy as well. This Kenya of ours……. GGRRRRRRRRR)
I head home because I have a gig that evening with Shamsi Music, knowing that my distant bae bike has accrued a Ksh. 1,000 charge for overnight spending. (It additionally incurs a towing charge of Ksh. 2,000, whether you pushed it by hand yourself to the yard across town, or they pushed it themselves, or it was on a lorry. It is Ksh. 2,000 come hell or high water!)
Come the next morning, I am unable to wake up from bed because I had slept really late the previous night. I get to city hall at around 10. I am told that the ‘madam‘(who everyone is waiting to see, deputy to the aforementioned Mr. Mbaya) has not even arrived and some people had been waiting since 8 a.m.(Not only that, some had been waiting all week, coming here everyday, almost all day, in what is a series of hits and misses. You step out for a few minutes, and hear that she came and left. Wueeeeh! And each day your motorcycle accrues yard costs.) We wait for one and a half hours during which I keep putting pressure on the secretary to call her and find out what time she’s arriving. This whole time I’ve been keeping in constant communication with the MK rep and keeping them informed and trying different things: getting different numbers , trying to call different people. In fact, at some point, some big shot walked into the office, found out that the boss(at the inspectorate) has not arrived, immediately called him and was given a different office to go to and have his issue handled. I wonder, “Why the heck didn’t we try this?”
Anyway, come 11:30am, I decided to leave, having left my phone number with one of the others riders there with instructions to call me if the ‘madam’ arrives. I decide to use the time to go and confirm that my motorcycle was indeed at the general stores. Barely have I left than I get a call. “We have been told to go to country bus area and report to a police station there. We are being told that the officer(Koroso) who will handle our case is on that side and he is in charge of releasing all the motorcycles.” So we headed in that direction. As we go and walk at the fastest pace man has ever seen(man’s not weak), we discuss amongst ourselves, and someone reasons that
we might be going on a wild goose chase,
that perhaps the madam has arrived, but seeing as to how you are 50 something people outside her office was trying to find a strategy to keep us away. (This was later confirmed to be true by the way. She didn’t want to walk in to some 50 something potential bodaboda(taxi motorcycle) riders, since they had just turned violent the day before in anger and protest for being banned in the CBD).
So we walk for 20 minutes and arrive at the country bus police station, only to be told that there is no such officer as Koroso here, that he has left and that we should probably go try at the general stores. So we leave and head to the general stores. Only when we get to the general stores, we are told that the officer without we’re looking for is no longer at the general stores but has gone to the central police station. At this point, most of the motorcyclist are afraid to head to central police, claiming that they would be arrested, to which I ask, “Why would you be arrested? What have you done wrong?” But most were afraid. Once bitten, or arrested, twice shy(or a million times shy).
So at this point, I brave it alone and go to central police. When I get to central police, I asked for the Koroso officer, I am told that he is not police, he is county inspectorate and he only arrives in the morning to give instructions to his officers in the inspectorate before he heads to city hall. So I start heading back to city hall. All this while, I have been in contact with Chwa, informing him and he has been trying different people but we keep going round(One officer directs us to the other, who directs us finally back to the original).
At some point, as I just arrive at City Hall Annex, Chwa is able to get through to the officer(Koroso) that has been eluding us. Long story short, the officer now claims that he does not have the authority to release those motorcycles and that it is indeed the ‘madam’ above him (who had sent us on a wild goose chase to him, across town) who can only give those instructions for release. But luckily, as I am about to enter city-hall annex, I meet a fellow motorcyclist leaving who says that his motorcycle has been released and that the ‘madam’ that we have been waiting for has arrived, and has been releasing bikes.
I get upstairs and I find many motorcyclists outside. (Turns out that these were PSV motorcycles and were not being handled today but on Monday. Given the holiday, Monday is Ksh. 4,000 away.). I get in and get to see the madam after like 20 minutes. Explain to her that I’m part of MK, what MK is, and my ordeal. She then states that she understands, but that as law enforcement officers, they have no way of telling the difference between a private motorcycle and PSV motorcycle.
I present her with a copy of my log book, duly in my name, and she says that even boda boda(taxi motorcycles that ferry 1 passenger(at least it’s supposed to be 1 legally, but hey, TIA!) riders still have their bikes in their names, so that is not a differentiator. (Of interest at this point is to know that I am a musician and a software developer as well. I am self-employed in both these fields in the sense that I cannot produce an employment authority letter, which is exactly what she was asking for at this point). What letter did I have to prove that I am a musician? I could not show this at all. This was a huge problem. She keeps asking me, “Sasa wewe tutakusaidiaje?(Now, how shall we assist you?) I need a some document to show what you do.” So after all that, she sends me to get my logbook photocopied.
I do that, get back, and there’s another lady in the office who seems to spend 30 minutes having whatever situation resolved. After that, I was able to get in to see her but the question still proceeded. “How can I tell that you are a private biker and not a boda boda?” At some point in the conversation, I was at my wits end as to how to explain to her that I am not a boda boda. I even thought of pulling my KRA tax documents to show my registration details.
Finally, she agrees to have my motorcycle released.
She releases me with a letter that indicates she has given me a warning to not ride in the CBD unless certain conditions are met. And here comes the crux of the issue guys. If you wish to ride within the CBD:
Your bike must be a bike that is severely differentiated from a boda boda, therefore a super bike, a huge adventure bike, or a cruiser. If there is even a hint of suspicion that your bike may resemble a boda boda, you are in trouble. Do not attempt to enter the CBD. Or do so at your own risk.
You must have a courier box attached to your motorcycle for the alternative.
Currently, no third option exists period. Just park on the outside of the CBD and walk in, parking fee or none.
But because the mercies of God are new every morning, even on one such as myself, she wrote a letter indicating that my motorcycle will be released unconditionally(which, dear bikers, in this case means that I would not be paying a single shilling.)
I headed to the stores where we all waited to see one Mr. Kilonzo, who was at the time handling a large number of motorcyclists filed outside his office, and was only singing one song: “I have a firm instructions from the ‘madam’ to not clear anyone except by her direction”. Lucky for me, I had the said instructions(Quite selfish, huh?). He wrote a small note at the bottom of her letter in red indicating that the rest of his subordinates follow the instructions as had been written in the letter. I had to go and print all the documentation the madam had required in triplicate and bring it back. I had to form a queue to have it cleared.
After about 2 hours I was able to leave with my motorcycle. At 5:10 pm. Location: Country General Stores, near Bus Station.
Outro(Music lingua: Exiting the song….)
But because Kenyans will be Kenyans, and Kenyans are hungry lot, the moment you leave the general stores, wouldn’t you know it! They are police officers out there who are in the game of stopping motorcycles that have just been cleared, demanding to see documentation of all manner when you say you have come from the general stores.
Him with the gun: “Unatoka wapi wewe?(Where are you coming from?)”
Me with the Pulsar NS200: “General Stores“.
Him with the even larger gun as he takes my key from the ignition: “Wapi makaratas ya clearance? (Where is your clearance document?)”
After inspecting the document for a bit, and handing back the docs and keys,
The one with the largest gun in the world: “Ninafunga ma’j’o, and the momen’d’ ninafungua, usikuwe hapa! Fly like the wind, umes’g’ia?(I’m closing my eyes, and the moment I open them, you shouldn’t be here! Fly like the wind!)”
Me: “Hiyo si ni overspeeding? (Isn’t that overspeeding?)”
Him with a sizeable gun: “Mimi apana i’g’o taka jua! Haiya, bado uko hapa?! (I don’t want to know! Oh, You are still here?)”
Damages
No bribes were made during the making of this film!
There is a scratch and dent on my fuel tank.
I also noted after arriving home that there is a huge piece of fairing which seems to have broken off near the seat, exposing my fuses to the elements, as well as other components. Who can claim for these? Do I claim insurance?
In just a few hours, a motorcycle left at the general stores gathers a huge amount of dust, as if it has just gone through a sandstorm. I had to have the bike washed to the moment I got home.
Left crash protector is cracked and is almost falling off.
(Mind you this is a “NEW” Pulsar NS200, 10,000 km on Odometer, purchased Sept 2017. Now look at what they’ve done. I have to import this fairing from India. Sigh. Halafu in comes customs looking at me funny.)
Bae wash…. You say car wash i say bae-wash.
I have wasted a whole day, precious time given that my work pays by the hour.
In summary, to live is to experience.
Signed,
George Nyoro
Software by day, music by day and night, biker when not under arrest! Lol. Experience.
Possum 